Hate is a strong word. But I hate when I have use the bathroom in the middle of the night. Just the idea of it makes me ornery. The number of thoughts that go through your head during this timeframe is insane. It’s a crime against humanity to be under this kind of pressure at such an hour. Inevitably, we all think the same thing; “I wonder if I can just hold it”. Which sounds like a possibility, in theory. Until the slightest movement brings forth the realization that it’s not a viable option. So then you’ve gotta find the mental fortitude to get out of bed. And for guys, the hard part has just begun. Every woman knows guys have terrible aim. Holy hell, we miss the toilet at 3:46 pm. So we have very little shot at a successful campaign at 3:46 am. Once you’ve gotten up and made a reasonably decent attempt to concentrate on your stream, going back to sleep is the next door neighbor of impossible. But as you get older, and your bodily functions change, you accept the fact that it’s not worth the risk to chance it. We know what happens if you do. You have that dream that you are actually using the toilet, when in reality you’re still in the bed. The warmth and relief are great. It feels amazing. Until you wake up and realize you have to buy a new mattress. Not to mention the choice words from your significant other. Word to the wise, it’s never a good look when a grown man turns into a 4-year-old.
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