#iHate Any College Football Team Not Named “The University of Tennessee”

Hate is a strong word. But I hate any college football team not named “The University of Tennessee”. I’m a basketball guy to the core. It gives me life and strength. But there is nothing that will ever be able to compare to Knoxville tailgating, the Vol Walk and players running through the Power T. I get fired up just thinking about it. At the risk of being a lil’ extra, it’s slightly orgasmic. This ain’t no “this is our year” message. Every year is our year. We take the good with the bad and support our team no matter what. Which is infinitely more than I can say for all of you bandwagon and fair weather fans out there. I bleed orange and will ride with my dudes until the wheels fall off. Thursday can’t get here soon enough. It’s goin’ down. Just like your grandma’s basement. Just like Nelly in his Range Rover. If I ever have a son, I’m going to name him Peyton Tee Neyland #iHateMondaysJustLikeMyDad Herring. And dare anyone to say something about it. Every time I see someone from East Tennessee that likes another team, I literally want to vomit. You all are the worst kind of people. If there’s ever a real life Purge, just know that I’m coming for you. To my Vol family, let’s do this.

#iHateMondays

#ButiLoveTheVols

#RockyTop

#HomeSweetHome

#GBO

#VOL4Life

#SECChampions

#NationalChampions

Don’t forget to purchase your very own copy of “#iHateMondays……….50 Shades of Hate” at:  https://www.amazon.com/iHateMondays-50-Shades-Hate-ebook/dp/B019CV1I4O?ie=UTF8&*Version*=1&*entries*=0

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#iHate Stupid People

Hate is a strong word. But I hate stupid people. To clarify, I’m pacifically referring to people that can’t walk and chew gum at the same time. Folks that, as my old boss used to say, don’t have “walk around sense”. People who make us all dumber just for having been in the same room as them. I’m not sure if it’s the election, excessive heat, or just my bad luck, but I’ve been running into these jokers all twenty sixteen. They’re everywhere. I’m not afraid of death. It’s part of life. I lose zero winks of sleep over public speaking. I like to hear myself talk. And I truly have no fear of failure. I’ve gotten pretty good at it. What keeps me up at night with endless anxiety is the thought of having a conversation with an idiot. If you think time moves slow when you close your eyes at work, try having a meaningful conversation with a stupid person. It’s one of the most brutal forms of cruel and unusual punishment known to man. I generally do a good job of avoiding stupidity in my personal life, but we all know it’s not easy professionally. We can argue about healthcare, immigration, terrorism, climate change and job creation all we want to. But until we fix the problem of stupid people, our society will continue to struggle. If I ruled the world, I’d require all stupid people to wear a dunce hat so we’d know who they are on sight.

#iHateMondays

#StupidityKills

#AllSummerSixteen

#PlayingStupidNotClean

#GetYouSomeSense

#ItAintThatHard

#ThatsWhatSheSaid

Don’t forget to purchase your very own copy of “#iHateMondays……….50 Shades of Hate” at:  https://www.amazon.com/iHateMondays-50-Shades-Hate-ebook/dp/B019CV1I4O?ie=UTF8&*Version*=1&*entries*=0

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#iHate People That Post Fight Videos

Hate is a strong word. But I hate people that post fight videos. It’s unimaginable to me that there are people in their 30’s and 40’s who think sharing this kind of violence is acceptable.  Let me tell you, it is not. It’s disgusting, embarrassing, and makes you look utterly foolish. Most of these fights involve minors that need responsible adults to help them make better decisions, not glorify the kind of behavior that will inevitably lead to their incarceration or even death. Every time I see one of these fight videos I am sickened and appalled. Posting these physical altercations is something that junior high and high school students do. Not reasonable and levelheaded adults who are supposed to be contributing positivity to society. If you are an adult who does this, you should be ashamed of yourself. Your actions are reckless and only serve as a means to perpetuate continued violence. Now with that said, if you do choose to post a fight video, make sure you tag me in the comments section. Cause you know I be watchin’ em, too.  With popcorn in hand.

#iHateMondays

#HypocrisyMonday

#EveryoneLikesaGoodFight

#DoAsISay

#NotAsIDo

#FightClub

#ALittleBitofTongue

#ALittleBitofCheek

#LikeCraigDidDeebo

#YouGotKnockedThe(Expletive)Out

Don’t forget to purchase your very own copy of “#iHateMondays……….50 Shades of Hate” at:  https://www.amazon.com/iHateMondays-50-Shades-Hate-ebook/dp/B019CV1I4O?ie=UTF8&*Version*=1&*entries*=0

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#iHate My Uncle Sam

Hate is a strong word. But I hate my Uncle Sam. He is the most self-righteous, two-faced, underhanded son of a birch that I know. He contributes almost nothing to my life, but is constantly trying to tell me how to live it. Every time he contacts me, I want to push my Kanye button. The only reason I show him any respect at all is because he’s my mother’s brother. But before she died, she told me that she didn’t like his sorry butt either. He has no sense of finance management. He spends 95% of his money on lottery tickets, cigarettes, and only sweet Baby Jesus knows what else. And he’s always got this friend with him. I ain’t never met the guy, but I think he calls him Fica or something. I have no idea how he knows when I get paid, but every two weeks he calls me looking for a handout. And to make it worse, I get an annual visit from him by January 31st, in which he proceeds to tell me he has some emergency and needs a load of cash by April 15th. As if what I’ve been giving him all year isn’t enough. He’s got these two women that he bounces between every 4-8 years, and neither of them are quality options. They’re almost as bad as he is. If you have a drunk uncle like me, Mandy and Brian, I know you feel me. But I’m tired of his crap. The next time I see him, (Bernie Mac voice) it’s gon be some furniture movin’. Imma bust his head to the white meat. I refuse to deal with this dude any longer.

#iHateMondays

#NoMoreMisterNiceGuy

#iLoveMyAuntieJeanThough

#MyUncleisWorseThanYours

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Don’t forget to purchase your very own copy of “#iHateMondays……….50 Shades of Hate” at:  https://www.amazon.com/iHateMondays-50-Shades-Hate-ebook/dp/B019CV1I4O?ie=UTF8&*Version*=1&*entries*=0

#iHate Waking Up Early

Hate is a strong word. But I hate waking up early. Don’t come talking to me about your proverbial early bird and how it catches the worm. I don’t eat worms. I eat tacos. And I can get those any time I want. Do I understand the value of getting up early and starting the day? Absolutely. Do I enjoy it? Holy hell to the naw. What happened to the 90’s and early 2000’s when I could stay in bed until noon and still have a productive day. One of my biggest problems with adulting is that waking up at 8 am now constitutes “sleeping in”. You’ve gotta be kidding me. If I had my druthers (and somehow managed to win the Powerball), I would never get up before 11 am. And my butler (who would most certainly be a scantily dressed female) would have mimosas ready for me daily. I enjoy what I do professionally (most days), but I would certainly enjoy it more if they let me slide in that thang around 10 or 10:30.  I see no reason for me to have to get up before Ra (God of the Sun). I truly feel like Sweet Baby Jesus wants us to awaken at the same time. Forget all of the political rhetoric about terrorism, hacked email accounts and global warming. Give me the candidate that mandates corporate America can’t start until 9:15 each day. That’s the person I’m voting for.

P.S. Big ups to all of the parents who are responsible for getting themselves and their children up. I have a hard time finding a clean pair of undies in the morning. Ain’t no way I could be responsible for another being.

#iHateMondays

#iHateMyAlarmClock

#CleanUndiesFTW

Don’t forget to purchase your very own copy of “#iHateMondays……….50 Shades of Hate” at:  https://www.amazon.com/iHateMondays-50-Shades-Hate-ebook/dp/B019CV1I4O?ie=UTF8&*Version*=1&*entries*=0