#iHate Autocorrect when I’m texting

Hate is a strong word.  But I hate autocorrect when I’m texting.  I understand the basic premise is to help improve communication and reduce user error.  But inevitably, the converse is generally the outcome.  More times than not, I just end up sending a follow up message explaining what I truly meant the first time.  The number of awkward conversations created is substantial.  I have no desire to use proper grammar or correct spelling when texting.  This is not a thesis paper, a business email, or a letter to a foreign dignitary.  For the love of all things holy, it’s a frickin’ text message.  I shouldn’t have to proofread every message because my idiot phone thinks it knows what I meant.  I mean what I say, and I say what I mean.  And although my mother would be rolling in her grave due to my *occasional* profanity, I have absolutely no desire to go “ducking”.  That’s a present participle, of whose definition I do not even know.  I feel like you’re playing games with me when you change my word to that.  Though I have been doubted, I really do know the difference between pacific (as in the ocean) and specific (as in certainty).  I don’t mean to brag on myself, but I have actually taken (and passed) a doctorate level course in linguistics.  But when I’m talking casually, I throw all of the rules out of the window.  Helping verbs are vastly overrated, subject-verb agreement is optional, and slang is my default.  I’m in my 2-3 zone, groovin’ to this thing we call life.  And I don’t need you, Mr. Fancy Smancy iPhone, killin’ my vibe.  You just do what I tell you. 

#iHateMondays

#AutocorrectistheChildoftheDevil

#iDontDuckEither

#LetMeDoMe

#QuitThinkingYouKnowWhatiMeant

Don’t forget to buy your copy of “#iHateMondays……….50 Shades of Hate” at the link below:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B019CV1I4O

 

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