Hate is a strong word. But I hate autocorrect when I’m texting. I understand the basic premise is to help improve communication and reduce user error. But inevitably, the converse is generally the outcome. More times than not, I just end up sending a follow up message explaining what I truly meant the first time. The number of awkward conversations created is substantial. I have no desire to use proper grammar or correct spelling when texting. This is not a thesis paper, a business email, or a letter to a foreign dignitary. For the love of all things holy, it’s a frickin’ text message. I shouldn’t have to proofread every message because my idiot phone thinks it knows what I meant. I mean what I say, and I say what I mean. And although my mother would be rolling in her grave due to my *occasional* profanity, I have absolutely no desire to go “ducking”. That’s a present participle, of whose definition I do not even know. I feel like you’re playing games with me when you change my word to that. Though I have been doubted, I really do know the difference between pacific (as in the ocean) and specific (as in certainty). I don’t mean to brag on myself, but I have actually taken (and passed) a doctorate level course in linguistics. But when I’m talking casually, I throw all of the rules out of the window. Helping verbs are vastly overrated, subject-verb agreement is optional, and slang is my default. I’m in my 2-3 zone, groovin’ to this thing we call life. And I don’t need you, Mr. Fancy Smancy iPhone, killin’ my vibe. You just do what I tell you.
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