Hate is a strong word. But I hate “New Year, New Me”. For the last fortnight, I’ve heard nothing but how this is your year. For those of you that don’t know, this phrase is popular amongst people (primarily 45 and under) and is used as the equivalent to a New Year’s resolution (#iHate those, too). More times than not, it refers to a person’s commitment to either stop falling in love (at least not 3 times again this year, SMH) with someone that treats them poorly or “finally” sticking to some sort of workout regimen. While I fully admire your desire to better your life, there is one glaring problem. You tell me this same lie every year. Every. Stinking. Year. If I didn’t actually have a life, I’d troll your timeline and repost the exact same thing you’ve been telling me since 2009. You need to grow up. If you’re waiting on this magical date in time for you to get your act together, then you’re pretty much missing the entire concept of self-improvement. I know, I know. You’re gonna be serious about working out all the time this year. You wanna know what you’re doing right now? Taking up precious gym time for people that will actually be there past President’s Day. You can take all the selfies in the world while you’re there. I don’t believe you. Go home. And don’t tell me about your proposed enhanced love life. You’ve liked that same kind of person since we were in high school in ’95. That’s just what you like. And there’s nothing you can say that will make me believe this drastic change is here just because January came around. I promise you’re only lying to yourself. You are who you are. You can’t change a player’s game in the 9th inning. Ask Ken Griffey Junior.