Hate is a strong word. But I hate the New England Patriots. Pacifically, I hate Tom Brady and Bill Belichick. I know I’m being petty right now, but (in my Samuel L. Jackson voice) it’s just the way I feel. Words cannot express how unbelievably overjoyed I am that I don’t have to watch them play anymore football this season. I can’t deal with liars. And #iHate cheaters. And those boys are both. Through and through. Since Peyton’s a Vol, I’m obviously biased toward him and the Broncos winning it all. And the fact that I had the chance to meet him with Donald Curtis in the Chattanooga Airport several years ago (he was traveling solo like a G) gives me even more reason to pull for him (he seemed like a great dude). But whether it’s Old School Manning or New School Cam, I’m just elated that I don’t have to watch the boys from Beantown play. I would very literally rather attend a Donald Trump rally with my friends Jesus Martinez and Abdul Shaheed than to see the Patriots even compete for another Super Bowl. And while you’re thinking it, yeah, you’re right. I sure do hate them more because of how much they’ve won. So what. I understand and respect their greatness. But that surely doesn’t mean I have to like them. Hating them makes my heart happy. And, (in my Young Jeezy voice) I love it.
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Hate is a strong word. But I hate ignorant political posts on Facebook. Give it a rest. Now, don’t get me wrong. If you are involved and/or well educated in politics, by all means, do you. However, if the extent of your political astuteness is relegated to the latest social media memes, you need to be quiet. Put your hand down. Don’t fidget in your chair and act like you have something to say. Just sit there. In total silence. I don’t care what side of the fence you’re on. When you get on here and repost data and rhetoric that has been factually disapproved for days, weeks, months and sometimes years, you look stupid. There’s really no way around it. You just look stupid. I’m sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but it needs to be said. Just because it’s on the internet, doesn’t mean it’s true. How old are you again? And just because you side with a particular party, don’t go around sharing everything one of your party mates posts as “truth”. Ever heard the phrase “stupid is as stupid does”? Do some fact finding and research on your own. Quit waiting to be spoon fed accurate information. That’s not how the game is played. Get your adulting on and stop being a dummy. I may have to unfriend some people if I’m going to keep my sanity until November.
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Hate is a strong word. But I hate “New Year, New Me”. For the last fortnight, I’ve heard nothing but how this is your year. For those of you that don’t know, this phrase is popular amongst people (primarily 45 and under) and is used as the equivalent to a New Year’s resolution (#iHate those, too). More times than not, it refers to a person’s commitment to either stop falling in love (at least not 3 times again this year, SMH) with someone that treats them poorly or “finally” sticking to some sort of workout regimen. While I fully admire your desire to better your life, there is one glaring problem. You tell me this same lie every year. Every. Stinking. Year. If I didn’t actually have a life, I’d troll your timeline and repost the exact same thing you’ve been telling me since 2009. You need to grow up. If you’re waiting on this magical date in time for you to get your act together, then you’re pretty much missing the entire concept of self-improvement. I know, I know. You’re gonna be serious about working out all the time this year. You wanna know what you’re doing right now? Taking up precious gym time for people that will actually be there past President’s Day. You can take all the selfies in the world while you’re there. I don’t believe you. Go home. And don’t tell me about your proposed enhanced love life. You’ve liked that same kind of person since we were in high school in ’95. That’s just what you like. And there’s nothing you can say that will make me believe this drastic change is here just because January came around. I promise you’re only lying to yourself. You are who you are. You can’t change a player’s game in the 9th inning. Ask Ken Griffey Junior.
Hate is a strong word. But I hate people that still think Mark Zuckerberg is going to give them money. You can’t be serious with your life right now. I can understand some immature and giddy middle schoolers falling for this the first time they hear it. But you are above the age of 25 and we go through this every frickin’ year. This is not your first rodeo, and yet you still fall for this ridiculously silly hoax. How gullible can you be. You’re embarrassing yourself. And we can all see it.
And not only is it bad enough that you fall for this nonsense, you have the nerve to provide disclaimers. As if saying “I’m not taking any chances” or “What could it hurt” makes you look any less idiotic. What on God’s green earth makes you think that this man is going to give away his fortune, just because you took 12 seconds to repost and share foolishness. To think that some of you people are actually responsible for ensuring that someone else (i.e. your child) grows into a logically thinking adult is plain scary.
Stop trying to get something for free. No one is going to give you anything. Especially when there’s more than 1.5 billion (with a B) people who would be eligible. You need to get your life together and stop believing everything you read. And btw, just because someone references Good Morning America does not make it real or accurate. I’m not sure if you know this or not, but GMA is a television show. So, if they were a part of this magical plan to give away billions (with a B) of dollars, guess where you’d definitely hear it? Wait for it………………..wait for it………………..TV. Ding, ding, ding! See, you’re not as dumb as you look.
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